change is not my friend

So I wanted to do a million things at once and I really thought I could, but truth is I cant.


My holiday season was full of boxes and packing, moving trucks, and unpacking, trips to home depot, and painting, then some unpacking, then painting and painting!

I guess I wasn't prepared for all the change that was to happen when we agreed to move into a house. We made the plans, worked out the details in our head. Once it was said and done things didn't go as smooth. There is so much work involved when it comes to a home. As I type this I would say my house at the moment inside is about....65% done, outside...100% not done. There are so many things I want to do with this place but $ is limited as I am still unemployed. My dear husband works and works, and comes home and wifey wants to have him help do house stuff...poor husband.

This place was supposed to be the beginning of a whole new thing for me, but I'm having trouble keeping the place going and making time for this new "me" its completely frustrating. Ive had many breakdowns, being an unemployed(Ive always had a job since i turned 16, having no job is all very new to me) mother of two and a wife, friend, sister, daughter...has me drained. Its begun to take a toll on my kids...Teddy picks up his irritability from me, when I am tense we both have a bad day and end up in bed crying together.

I am grateful for my husband who has been able to keep picking me up every time I break down, I am grateful for my friends who hear me out on iChat in the middle of the night,
I am grateful for my baby daddy who indeed knows how to bullshit and keep my mind from exploding at times.
I am grateful for my tweeps ( I hate that term but that's what you are) my twitter friends that I haven't met...yet!

I am grateful for the chaos that is my life and all of you in it.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this blog entry, and that's ok. I just needed to vent a little to all of my two blog readers.

Its late and I'm rambling, no point in site, I hate to end on this note, but my mind is a buzzing with a whole lot of non sense and I wouldn't want to put you through it. A glass of wine and then sleep.