O-b-e-s-e aka ME

So I've come to a point in my life where I cant take it anymore. I have come to realize I'm a way I never thought I would be. There have been life changes that have put me in this place, but I used that as an excuse to take it a little further then I should have.

Recently my husband and I had a little get together at our new home. There was plenty of drinking, and then some more drinking. A comment was made by a friend that was...I wanna say inappropriate, but non the less TRUE. Let me tell you folks, the truth hurts. It was about my weight. I often joke about my weight and size, I'm the first to point out the obvious, but I've never had anyone beat me to it...until that night. I was unprepared, it was awkward and to top it off, it was in front of everyone.

I couldn't get over it. The whole night his words haunted me constantly repeating over and over in my head, in the morning a headache ensued as they echoed about in my brain. I didn't want to be naked, I didn't want my husband to look at me even, the reflection in the mirror terrified me. I haven't felt like this in a long time. Lets just say I had an awful day. Yes, it was mean, but it was true. I'm too young to be this big. I'm too young to be this lazy. Yes, Ive had two kids, my oldest will soon be 3, my youngest is soon to be 6 months. So whats been my excuse? The kids, I don't have time, I need to clean, I'm tired...etc. If i keep this up, things will only get worse. After my daughter I weighed 150-155. I've gained 5 pounds in 6 months.

I was happy being fat, but after that comment an old familiar feeling came about. I use to be skinny and depressed. I use to have an eating disorder, but I reasoned with myself. I was incredibly down, but hey! I was thin! That state of mind has come again, kinda. I cant look at food the way I did a week ago. "Mmmmm yum"-no more. When I see food all I see is fat, and I don't need it. Its disgusting now, things don't look yummy, they look terrifying. No, I don't plan to starve like I use to, no I don't plan to purge like I use to. Although it would be a lie if I said I didn't think about it after that night.
(This was me when I was "sick".)

I bought a Wii Fit, I felt happy. Its a new start. A new way of living, less snacking, less food binging, less drinking, less eating for the sake of eating. I know its going to be hard, but its my life we're talking about. I don't want to be like this anymore and I'm going to do it.

So far Ive done moderate exercise 3 days in a row. I have a plan, and I have some family support. I just want this ball to keep on rolling. I will update weekly on my status. Mostly for myself, but feel free to cheer me on as I'm sure I will need the support when I feel like quitting. If you see that I'm losing it, please don't let me stop, guide me back. I don't want to be stuck in this body anymore.


Right now: 164 lbs.

GOAL:130-140.